Dear Single Mom (and sometimes Single Mom),
I want you to know that I think about you often. I imagine how you feel on the lonely nights that seem to plague you. I remember the exhaustion that envelops you so much of the time you think one day it just might swallow you whole. I wonder how often you think no one will understand what this life feels like. Tears come even now as I think of you, because I’d love nothing more than to hug you and tell you I understand. Though we can’t be together in person, if you have time for a chat, I have a few questions I really would like to ask.
When it feels like you live a life you never signed up for, when you’re stuck on a merry-go-round you just want to get off, will you imagine the next turn could bring clarity and meaning beyond what you can presently anticipate?
When the discouragement and uncertainty that marks your days threatens to define you, will you believe that you were not created to be defined by the things of this world? You are far too beautiful and precious in His sight.
When you feel so sad, that the piece of earth you stand on seems strangely still while the world around you just keeps spinning, will you remember the Lord will fight for you, indeed you need only be still?
When it feels like the whole world seems to be coupled up, will you look for the one who isn’t? Look for the one by herself who also may feel like the odd man out in a park or event full of moms and dads.
When it feels like no one would notice if you didn’t show up, might you imagine the grandmother who quietly admires your resolve or the mom who never fails to pray for you, though you may never know it.
When you feel lost in your circumstances, will you remember that things can turn on a dime? Yes for the bad, but also for the good. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
You see I was you once. When I felt all these things and more, the only way to keep going was in the remembering that if I could lose all that I did – just like that – then that must be because I was never truly sustained by those things, anyway. After all, if like the flip of a switch, life could become everything I never wanted, then why couldn’t it someday become everything I ever needed?
The winds of change blew in my life when I least expected, and a new season has arrived. I couldn’t have predicted that though I struggled for years to imagine a brighter future, I now look back and wouldn’t change a thing. This is my story, and I am better because of it.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read this letter. I truly appreciate all that you do and you will always remain in my thoughts and prayers.
YOU are my inspiration.
If you enjoyed reading this post, I hope you’ll stop and stay awhile! You may want to read more here on why I wrote this letter or read this related post.
If you’d like to learn more about who I am, then start here. I love meeting new people & can’t wait to get to know you, so please reach out in the comments!
You can also find this essay syndicated on The Huffington Post, here.
Very nicely written, and poignant, Syb. 🙂
Thanks Buckeye! : )
Needed this today. Thank you!
That does my heart good to hear you found what you needed today, He provides!
Last night as my husband and I were cleaning up 3yo puke in the middle of the night, I said a prayer for single parents. I cannot even imagine how they do it! Nice post, a good word.
I could not agree more, and pray the same often for the same reasons. Thanks for stopping by!
This is beautiful. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
That warms my heart, Amy. So glad you found some encouragement today!
Thank you for sharing your story. I too was a single mom for years and can relate.
Thank you for sharing, Beth!
That is a great encouraging read! Thanks for sharing this. I’m glad I was able to inspire such a well written post. I am humbled by that! Great job!
Thanks for your kind words, Jill!
Not many people like to write about single parenthood. I’ve written about misconceptions of being a single mom and balancing everything being a single mom. People tend to be so judgmental. It’s so nice to hear an opinion that isn’t judging!
~Erin @ http://www.simplyrealmoms.com
Erin I’m so sorry to hear you’ve experienced judgement over this issue. I have all the respect in the world for moms (and dads) weathering all that goes into parenting young people on their own, day in and day out. It is a remarkable undertaking, one which is much more easily seen through with support and understanding. Blessings to you!
I get talked about and put down in my small town all the time for being a single mom. I don’t understand this due to the fact that I did not ask or want to be. Im not the one that decided I couldn’t do it. I stepped up to the plate and am now mom and dad. although I wouldn’t mind the help, I wouldn’t change my life for a second
My sister became a single mom of 3 young children when she and her husband split up. I was single myself at the time, and my sister and I have always been best friends, so I moved in to help. To this day, I still count those years as the best ones of my life… And my sister, she still thanks me. Raising children alone is tremendous work. Those who must do it without support certain need our prayers! This was a truly beautiful and awesome post! So glad I found it via the Pintastic Pinteresting Linkup! 🙂
Yes, prayer and support are invaluable to those parenting alone for any reason! What a blessing for you, your sister and her children that you were able to do life together and even count those as some of the best years of your life! Thanks for blessing me with that beautiful story and thanks for your kind encouragement : )
I always wonder how how single parents does it all…Nice post. Making me think, how blessed I am to have the love of support of my spouse all the time
Yes reflecting on our blessings really lends persective, doesn’t it? And absolutely, what a blessing to have the love and support of a spouse! That is a daily blessing of mine now that I never take for granted! Thanks for sharing your thoughts : )
Although I am not a single mom, there are days when I feel like I am. This post is so lovely and honest! Thanks so much for sharing your words! Here from the SITS girls!
Hi Shivani! Thanks so much for your kind words! I totally understand that too when it feels like you are when you are on your own that often. Wishing you all the best! Looking forward to getting to know the SITS girls, hope you’ll be back and stay in touch!
Thanks for brightening my day with a heartfelt poem. Finding a poem on a blog always makes me smile.
Thanks for brightening my day with your comment JeriWB! : )
That was a great poem. I could not ever image raising a child on my own. I am blessed to be married to the same man for 48 years. Nice to see a possible attitude
Arleen, thanks so much for reaching out to share your thoughts and your blessings with me!
Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Michelle, that warms my heart and blesses me to no end. Words cannot express how much I hoped and prayed that if this what any Mom need to hear, that it would make it’s way to her. Thank YOU so much for your encouraging words and for ALL that you do!
Thank you for sharing your past and perspective. What an encouragement!
Thank you for your feedback, Jen! I truly just wanted to write the letter I would have loved to be able to read during the time in my life when I was a “sometimes single” Mom. I often felt isolated, lonely, and hungry for hope and it has left me burdened to reach out to women in a similar season.
So beautiful, and you’re right – there’s something in there for everyone! I never tire of hearing how God is faithful. It’s true for everyone in different ways, but I can see how He has truly blessed you. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Oh Meredith how your presence and words here have blessed me! I have been very blessed indeed, and am so grateful for the trials He has turned into a testimony and the ability to connect with others in the telling of it : )
Beautiful, Sybil. I pray that many are blessed with encouragement here.
Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
Blessings
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions
Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement, Mel!
I can only imagine being a single parent and how hard it must be. Especially for those that are truly doing it by themselves. My hat goes out to them. Sharing this on Facebook 🙂
I feel the same!! Thank you SO much for your support Home jobs by MOM!
Beautiful words of encouragement, Sybil. I look forward to reading more! Visiting from (in)couraging.
Thank you so much for your sweet support, Tara! Looking forward to getting to know you at (in)couraging!
Visiting from {in}courage writers. Wonderful words of encouragement.
Thank you so much for visiting and for your kind, encouragement! Looking forward to getting to know you at (in)courage writers!
Beautiful. I will pass this on.
Thank you so very much! Wishing you a blessed weekend!
I have never seen your blog before, but tonight I Googled “dear single mom” just to see what I could find because it seems like so many blogs and posts are geared to married moms. I needed to read this so much tonight. I am a single mom of a beautiful 2 and a half year old girl. I work full time, and I am in my last semester of graduate school. I feel like I’m drowning. This post was really encouraging. Thank you.
Wow thank you so much for sharing that, Kinsey. So thankful we have a God who hears, knows, and provides for our needs – so thankful you were encouraged! You sound like an amazing person doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate right now. I know how hard it is when you feel like you are drowning, I truly do. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug and tell you it’s going to be ok. What I have learned is, there are seasons in life and some of them we spend time in the refiner’s fire. The Lord really does work all things for the good of those who love Him, even the exhausting, ugly, the sad, and the discouraging stuff. Sending you hugs and prayers today! XO : )
Beautiful Sybil! I was a single mom at the age of 18 and I know all too well the struggles. I also know what it felt like to not be able to relate to other moms or even friends. Thank you for sharing. There are many mommies out there that need this. Blessings. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story, Jesenia! I married my baby’s father not long afterward, but I became a single Mom at 21, (I too felt out of sync with friends who were at very different life stages and had their kiddos long after I did.) My husband and I then spent many years apart most of the time due to his full-time travel for work. I feel extremely blessed to now live with my husband, love of my life and very best friend! : )
Thank you for this letter! I have other friends in a similar situation who will benefit from your encouragement as well. Much appreciated!
Thank you Christina!
This is beautiful, Sybil I am going to share it with a friend.
Thank you so much Lyli!
You hit the mark with your words, and though they were aimed towards one who is walking in alone in life, singly, they were indirectly aimed at each of us who may feel at times we are alone in the crowd wondering if we have been noticed. I am not a single mom, thankfully, but there are many times I feel like that when my husband’s job keeps him from making it home or when becasue of circumstances, life, etc.. I feel like the contender for the family and feel quite like I am alone. But I know the truth and I know my God and He has never left nor forsaken those He gently calls His own and becasue of that…because in the Cross there is always hope and there is always promise, He brings willing hearts, like yours, to pour into the broken and dry parched souls who may just need a timid reminder that someone has seen them. It is a rare gift, Sybil, to see those who feel invisible, because so much of the world is flying by at warp speed and has not slowed down enough to walk where Jesus walked and live as He lived…. purposefully, willingly, simply, and mercifully.
Bless you!
Dawn
Dawn, I just now saw this and am responding – But wow, that was beautiful! It is also rare for someone to reach out to the extent that you did and I appreciate it more than you know! I absolutely understand where you expressed you are coming from and hope that you will email me or visit here anytime! Blessings to you on your journey!
Hi Sybil, you commented on my blog yesterday and of course I clicked on your name to see who you were. Near the top of your Google+ page was this article, and it was like I was meant to read it! I was tearing up reading it, and I just found it so inspirational. It really helped me get through my day yesterday. Thank you for writing this!
Sarah, reading this note gave me goosebumps because that is exactly why I wrote this letter, so that YOU would find it. There are so many women like you I think about so often and am humbled to the core as I think through your daily life experience. After reading your story yesterday, I wanted to feel out how much to say, how fast… So I am so glad you reached out here! Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me, it means ALOT! I hope we can stay in touch. Sending you hugs and prayers today! xo
Its 3am, my anxitey is at a high, i cannot sleep, my babies are safe and cozy. I did not choose to be a single parent, i struggle without much help but i do it for my babies. Bless you for that poem, if ever i should have read it, thats right now, i get the looks, the comments, but do not judge, you do not know her story, walk a mile in her shoes, youll see why she is stressed, why she cries, why she looks like she cant cope, but she will conquer…..for her precious babies. Xo
That was beautiful, thank you for sharing! You sound like such a strong & courageous Mama! I remember the nights of anxiety at 3am and I’m going to stop what I’m doing to pray for you now. Please know that you are loved, and never, never alone!
My boyfriend is going on deployment soon (national guard) and he is going to be gone for a long 10 months. It makes me so scared to do this on my own, especially since my Little One is so attached to him more than she is to me. Its people like you and my mother (who raised me by myself for 15 years) who give me hope that I can do this. Thank you so much for making me feel like I can do this and there are people out there who understand and care.
Oh Allie I can promise you there are people out there who understand and care! I am just one of them, but I hope you’ll come back and visit She Lives Free again sometime : ) Many thanks to you and your boyfriend for his service. Prayers & Godspeed to him!
This was touching…..it brought me tears bcuz I am now struggling in my life of being the one and only parent to three boys who I love dearly but struggle silently. I pray foe better days everyday but I can’t see them comming. My faith is weak but I can’t go any lower than where I am now. I hope God hears my prayers & knows my struggles.
Thank you for noticing. Thank you for this message.
Your comment brought me tears too, because I remember just the place you describe. Pastor Rick Warren said, “You never know God is all you need until God is all you have.” It took years, but I ultimately found that to be so true, and I believe you can find the same! God hears you and knows your struggles! 1 John 5:14 in the Bible says, “If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” Praying for you tonight! Please come back and visit anytime : )
What a blessing to read this tonight more than you will ever know. My husband is working out of the country for a few months. This is a strange new and scary situation being without him and parenting our 2 year old alone. Thank you and God Bless.
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing where you are at right now. I absolutely know how strange and scary those times can be – that’s why I’m sending you prayers & {{HUGS}} tonight! God bless you & your family!
I’m a single mum of two each from desperate fathers, unfortunately my sons dad didn’t want to be a dad and my daughters dad could just never step up to the plate and be the dad she needed, I always wanted to be a mum just not so early, at 17 I fell pregnant and had him when I was 18, now that I’m 24 I never had any support from my family or their dads family I didn’t know what I was doing and just did the best I could, when my son was 2 I found out he had autism and severe language delay, that was in 2010 now he is 6 and he’s come a long way, but now in 2014 I have a new child a little girl and still I’m alone doing it. Nights when I’m tired of picking up toys or stepping on Lego, cleaning food up off the floor or being splashed with water in the bath I some times get upset and go into my room and cry, next minute I hear the door open and there’s these two little people I created, the come over and console me asking if I’m OK or caressing my face its moment like these that make it all worth it because obviously I have taught them compassion even without knowing it, when my son runs to the school bus yelling “I love you much mum” and my daughter tries to mumble it then I know I have taught them how to love and those two things are what is needed some more in this world, their dads gave up something amazing but I’m so happy I have gained it, they are my hero’s because when I feel like I can’t go on I look at them and find a back up battery of some sort and keep chugging along, they are my happiness! Zack & Jordyn <3
Peta, that was absolutely beautiful! You are an awesome, brave, beautiful Mama blessed in so many ways – not the least of which is your ability to look on the bright side!! : ) Thanks so very much for reaching out and sharing here at She Lives Free xo
I am a single mom of four and of course never expected to be in this position. Day to day is quite exhausting but I know I must keep going for my four wonderful blessings. I am struggling now with adversities but I know all my hope and faith can only come from my Heavenly Father. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I cried through the entire thing.
Oh Brandi, I wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug! Honestly, I cried even as I wrote this letter, and prayed for it to find it’s way to the women who needed encouragement that they’re not alone. Please consider this a listening ear, and come back to visit anytime! xoxo
Thank you for this. <3
Awe thanks for visiting She Lives Free and thank you for your note!
I am a single mom. I have been since day one. My boy will be 2 exactly 9 days before I turn 22. I started my freshman year of college in June 2014. I lost my job earlier this month. I feel every day the judgmental looks, comments, and stares. That is part of why I left the church. I get to be mom and dad. I never see anything positive for single parents. Thank you so much. I wasn’t going to read this but it kept popping up.
I am so grateful it kept popping up and you ended up coming to visit! ; ) Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing where you’re at! My heart breaks for the alienation you feel and the extra burdens you are carrying. You may want to check out a few of these links for positive places for single parents, on the net. http://embracegrace.com/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/162200550653755/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/512375495560529/ Would love for you to stay in touch if you can – I’d love to know how you’re doing! xo
I feel every day…like I don’t know how I will get through another day. I work full time and am a single Mom to a 15 year old son, and 7 year old boy/girl twins. I can’t afford ANYTHING even though I work every day. Very often, I feel like I can’t take any more stress. And even though I have people who love me, and try to be supportive, I know that they simply don’t realize just how alone and terrified and THIS close to slipping into hysteria I really am. Its comforting to know that I’m not the only person on Earth that struggles with this.
Jessica, I promise you are not the only person on Earth who struggles with this! You are not alone, but oh how I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug to help that knowledge sink in a little easier! Bless your heart, you have so much on your plate and I wish I could help … but I can say this. I’m going to pray for you right now and if you’d ever want to come back and let me know how you’re doing, I would love to listen and pray, and just be there for you. Any time! Much love to you! xoxo
You told you how I felt? Thank you for the encouragement.
You are so welcome! Thank you for visiting She Lives Free!
My niece is a single mom and I admire her. She is strong and very loving to her daughter. Her and her daughter make me smile when I see the love they share. No matter what happens, she pulls through many adversities. She shows her daughter that things will always get better if you follow God. I love them! To Julie and Faith.
Beautiful! Thank you so much for leaving this sweet comment! : )
I’m a single mom. And, realize that my son is a blessing that I am great fun for everyday. I sometimes feel tired and struggle with the insecurity of how I may not make it to the next day as I financially struggle sometimes. BUT, I do. I do make it. I struggle sometimes doing it “all” by myself… but, HE sees me through. HE gave me my son and the moments of exhaustion I sometimes feel comes with being a mommy AND a 1st grade teacher.
Wow, Bonnie I find myself so inspired by you AND encouraged by your comment! Thank you so much for visiting She Lives Free and for reaching out to me! May God bless you and your son!
Wow, thank you! What a wonderful thing to write. I really needed to read that at this point in my life. Bless you xxx
So grateful you found what you needed here! God bless you! xoxo
Thank you for your letter. I was a single mom for a while. Sometimes I still feel like I still am. I have 4 children and one is mentally disabled. Sometimes people want nothing to do with him even though they are family or others who’s job is to help him. He was also traumatised by his father and is in therapy and I feel like I am still a single mom off and on. Again thank you for your letter
Oh my you are one brave, busy woman! As much as I wish I could reach out and hug you & lend a helping hand – what I can do is tell you that you’ll always find a safe space to connect here, anytime you want to visit. I can also pray, across the miles! Thank you for writing! xoxo
My mom was a single mom. She was often tired, but always doing a wonderful job as a mom.
Isn’t it wonderful when we as mothers can look back and recognize all the sacrifices our parents made – long before we could ever understand them? Thanks for your comment : ) Have a great weekend!
Your words are absolutely beautiful. You are an amazing writer, and I am so lucky to have found your blog through the Peony Project.
Oh Gennie – I don’t even have words to express how much you blessed me with that comment. Thank you for taking time out of your day to send that encouragement! xoxo
thank you for this! I am actually in the process of becoming a single mother, starting with, hopefully, signing a lease for my own place today. Since my husband’s diagnosis of multiple mental illnesses almost a year ago, life has been unstable and felt increasingly unsafe. Your letter reminded to look on the bright side and to keep praying. Life gets rough when you’re judged for not wanting to be a caregiver to your husband. I just have to remember that I’m doing the right thing by myself and our soon-to-be 3 year old twin boys!
I am SO glad you found encouragement here and were reminded to look for the good and keep praying! May God bless you and your family!
Thank you for this I need this today it’s been hard but I know it will get better!! 🙂
Thanks for this Sybil! I recently saw an Instagram post where a mother wrote that she wasn’t going to wish or say “Happy Father’s Day” to single mothers because they could never be or fill the role of a father. Other woman went on making comments like, “some woman are bitter because they’re alone” or “you knew who you were dealing with before you had your child”. Then I realized that this post may be coming from the very blessed woman who has the full support of her fathers child and doesn’t know what it’s like to raise a child alone. After reading your blog, I’m 100% certain that although I can never be a father I try my best to fill this missing void in my daughter’s life and I shouldn’t feel ashamed or any less to wish other single mothers out there a Happy Father’s Day!
My intellectually disabled daughter , age 20, will never get beyond being 8 years old. Top it off with grand parents and her father being deceased, and the rejection from Girl Scouts, church Sunday school, and I feel like I am living in a sad, sad dream.
I have reached out to friends ( We’ll get together for lunch ! and I know it won’t ever happen), yes I am in therapy, but it seems more like a revolving door business and the therapist pulls out that prescription pad faster than you can say “Self pay patient.”
Each day something is broken (intentionally, she is strong and angry). I cannot keep up and just going to the grocery store requires a trip to the next town ( She has made scenes in all five of my nearest stores, and the managers have asked us not to return).
She looks normal, so she does not get sympathy or empathy that she really does deserve. I live each day hour by hour, with no support system. I tried to start a group on Meet up, but got no responses except people wanting to sell me a book.
When you see a mom someplace who seems checked out, numb, tired, lost and overwhelmed, think of me and my daughter, and give that parent a little understanding.
As a grandmother and mom of a single mom, I want to thank you for starting this web page. I often wondered if there was one like this for parents raising children alone. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. And doing it alone is unimaginable . My
daughter is a very strong woman and I love and admire her. Young women need to support and encourage each other. I don’t know what life would be like with out my girl friends. I still keep in touch with my grammar school GF’s. We have been friends over 60 yrs. so thank again for this site. I LOVE IT!!
I needed this tonight. Sometimes I just need someone to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be alright.
I really needed this tonight. My child isn’t here yet but I am a single mom. And I can relate to this so much.